January 16, 2014 by bestdayevar
So, suddenly my due date is 7 weeks from today and HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? I feel like I’ve entered some sort of pregnancy time warp and there’s a time bomb in my womb and I’m on a speeding train barreling toward parenthood, and other mixed metaphors as well. I mean, most of the time I still just can’t even believe I’m pregnant, and soon I WON’T be pregnant anymore, and dear god, THERE IS NO TIME!!!
Every year my husband’s family draws Angel Cards for each person at New Year’s. These are words that are supposed to be your focus for the coming year. I didn’t make it out to New York over the holidays this year to see the fam, but the card they drew for me was “Presence.” Which is really perfect right now in this holy-shit-why-is-the-future-coming-so-fast moment I’m having. Every time I start to feel panicky, I remember: “presence.” And I take a deep breath and try to appreciate where I am right this moment instead of skipping ahead. DEEP BREATH. Deep breath.
So maybe you are wondering what I’ve been doing over here whilst not blogging. Or maybe you aren’t, but I’m gonna tell you anyway.
I’ve been busy getting diagnosed with gestational diabetes, yaaaaay. Apparently I failed the test by like 4 points, but I still had to go meet with a nutritionist and get the blood sugar monitor and stab myself in the finger 4 times a day. In the few days between when I got diagnosed and before I had the meeting with the nutritionist, I had sort of a freakout spiral about HOLY SHIT am I not able to eat anything? Can I have wheat bread? Can I have a god-damned APPLE? And one time, I cried. Because I was starving every 2 hours and I was afraid of putting anything in my mouth because what if it turned my baby into a hippo and they had to use the jaws of life to get her out of me???
But the nutritionist was super awesome and even said I could have a cookie sometimes. JUST NO JUICE OR SODA EVARRRRR. But I could take Christmas Day off from testing my blood sugar and have all the pie I wanted that day. Because, oh yeah, did I mention that I got diagnosed with GD like 2 weeks before Christmas? Super convenient time to be avoiding sugar and simple carbohydrates.
Since then I’ve had a follow-up appointment with her, and she was pleased with my blood sugar levels. I had a few high readings here and there, but she said it all averaged out to normal and she wasn’t worried about me. I also had a growth scan on the baby to see how she’s measuring. At the previous growth scan she was measuring exactly on track. At the latest growth scan, she was measuring a week ahead. The tech said something about, “Well, looks like she’s gonna be a big baby.” But I am trying to take this with a grain of salt because I’ve heard these things are often way off. She said historically their estimates are high by about half a pound, too. But if they are correct, I could be looking at a 8.5 – 9 pound baby. For some reason 8.5 doesn’t sound scary, but 9 sounds TERRIFYING. Supposedly, according to the nutritionist, baby’s size isn’t related to my blood sugar, since I’ve been controlling my blood sugar pretty well. She was like, “You’re just making a big baby. That can happen.”
Can everyone stop saying “big baby,” though? No pregnant lady wants to hear “big baby.” Unless maybe she’s an Orlando Magic fan and you’re talking about Glen Davis. (Shout out to anyone who knows what the hell I’m talking about.)
What else? I’ve been reading lots of books on childbirth. I just finished Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, and for some reason the one big thing I took away from it is that an open mouth/relaxed jaw is directly connected to open sphincters of the vaginal and anal varieties. So now every time I go to the bathroom, I practice relaxing my jaw and opening my mouth. I look like a codfish on the can.
And while we’re on the topic of the bathroom, I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about pregnancy poop. Wouldn’t I? Isn’t it a requirement of pregnancy blogging?
WARNING: graphic discussion of #2s ahead.
So. I wouldn’t say I’ve been terribly constipated in the going-days-without-pooping sense. I can usually muster something about once a day, but it is often hard won, requiring much patience and ujjayi breathing and codfish impersonations. In fact, I’ve started using difficult poops as practice for pushing during childbirth. I become very focused and try to push from the diaphragm while relaxing all my lower bits and making codfishface. If it’s an office poop, I might grip the handicap bar on the wall. Sometimes I find it helpful to shift from cheek to cheek, trying to give the poop-baby as much space as it needs to become free.
Like I said, I can usually get it done… but occasionally I need moral support from the hubs. So I text him from the toilet.
And the thing is, after this kind of epic fecal battle, it FEELS like I’ve done something to be proud of. Like I’ll think, “Okay, that one was HUGE. Like a GMO cucumber.” And I’ll glance in the bowl before flushing, prepared to gloat over what surely must be a world-record poop, but no. There is nothing there but a few “angry pellets,” as we refer to them in my house. Just some little gumball-sized nuggets that belie the blood, sweat and tears (sometimes literally!) it took to bring them into this world. What. The. Hell.
But I AM pooping. So there won’t be 9 entire months worth to unleash upon some midwives in a birthing room in 7 weeks. So there’s that.
I haven’t posted a bump pic since 23 weeks, which was TEN WHOLE WEEKS AGO. So, here are a few to catch you up on the progress of the Big Baby all up in my Big Belly.
Way huger at 31 weeks, no? I think I am even rounder this week, but I haven’t taken a photo yet.
This week I am spending every spare minute getting ready for a “Pre-Birthday Party” we’re throwing for the kiddo. My sweet, sweet friends and family in LA threw us a beautiful shower over Christmas when we were out there, but I wanted to do something in Austin, too. I didn’t want to have a shower here per se, just a big, ol’ party where everyone we know could come and hang out and drink beers and have fun. Maybe it’s the height of tackiness to throw your own un-shower shower, but eh. Whatevs. I’m so freaking pumped that we’re having a baby, I want to celebrate the shit out of it! Hopefully I will get my ish together to post about it afterward, because I think it’s gonna be pret-ty fun.
Okay, now all you other slackers who haven’t posted lately, you need to post now, too! And the rest of you who are posting, I am lame and haven’t been commenting but am reading your blogs and loving the updates, so keep ’em coming.