YIPES, where did the time go?

12

January 16, 2014 by bestdayevar

So, suddenly my due date is 7 weeks from today and HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? I feel like I’ve entered some sort of pregnancy time warp and there’s a time bomb in my womb and I’m on a speeding train barreling toward parenthood, and other mixed metaphors as well.  I mean, most of the time I still just can’t even believe I’m pregnant, and soon I WON’T be pregnant anymore, and dear god, THERE IS NO TIME!!!

Every year my husband’s family draws Angel Cards for each person at New Year’s. These are words that are supposed to be your focus for the coming year. I didn’t make it out to New York over the holidays this year to see the fam, but the card they drew for me was “Presence.” Which is really perfect right now in this holy-shit-why-is-the-future-coming-so-fast moment I’m having. Every time I start to feel panicky, I remember: “presence.” And I take a deep breath and try to appreciate where I am right this moment instead of skipping ahead. DEEP BREATH. Deep breath.

Angel Cards.

Angel Cards.

So maybe you are wondering what I’ve been doing over here whilst not blogging. Or maybe you aren’t, but I’m gonna tell you anyway.

I’ve been busy getting diagnosed with gestational diabetes, yaaaaay. Apparently I failed the test by like 4 points, but I still had to go meet with a nutritionist and get the blood sugar monitor and stab myself in the finger 4 times a day. In the few days between when I got diagnosed and before I had the meeting with the nutritionist, I had sort of a freakout spiral about HOLY SHIT am I not able to eat anything? Can I have wheat bread? Can I have a god-damned APPLE? And one time, I cried. Because I was starving every 2 hours and I was afraid of putting anything in my mouth because what if it turned my baby into a hippo and they had to use the jaws of life to get her out of me???

But the nutritionist was super awesome and even said I could have a cookie sometimes. JUST NO JUICE OR SODA EVARRRRR. But I could take Christmas Day off from testing my blood sugar and have all the pie I wanted that day. Because, oh yeah, did I mention that I got diagnosed with GD like 2 weeks before Christmas? Super convenient time to be avoiding sugar and simple carbohydrates.

Since then I’ve had a follow-up appointment with her, and she was pleased with my blood sugar levels. I had a few high readings here and there, but she said it all averaged out to normal and she wasn’t worried about me. I also had a growth scan on the baby to see how she’s measuring. At the previous growth scan she was measuring exactly on track. At the latest growth scan, she was measuring a week ahead. The tech said something about, “Well, looks like she’s gonna be a big baby.” But I am trying to take this with a grain of salt because I’ve heard these things are often way off. She said historically their estimates are high by about half a pound, too. But if they are correct, I could be looking at a 8.5 – 9 pound baby. For some reason 8.5 doesn’t sound scary, but 9 sounds TERRIFYING. Supposedly, according to the nutritionist, baby’s size isn’t related to my blood sugar, since I’ve been controlling my blood sugar pretty well. She was like, “You’re just making a big baby. That can happen.”

Can everyone stop saying “big baby,” though? No pregnant lady wants to hear “big baby.” Unless maybe she’s an Orlando Magic fan and you’re talking about Glen Davis. (Shout out to anyone who knows what the hell I’m talking about.)

ANYWAY.

What else? I’ve been reading lots of books on childbirth. I just finished Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, and for some reason the one big thing I took away from it is that an open mouth/relaxed jaw is directly connected to open sphincters of the vaginal and anal varieties. So now every time I go to the bathroom, I practice relaxing my jaw and opening my mouth. I look like a codfish on the can.

And while we’re on the topic of the bathroom, I would be remiss if I didn’t talk about pregnancy poop. Wouldn’t I? Isn’t it a requirement of pregnancy blogging?

WARNING: graphic discussion of #2s ahead.

So. I wouldn’t say I’ve been terribly constipated in the going-days-without-pooping sense. I can usually muster something about once a day, but it is often hard won, requiring much patience and ujjayi breathing and codfish impersonations. In fact, I’ve started using difficult poops as practice for pushing during childbirth. I become very focused and try to push from the diaphragm while relaxing all my lower bits and making codfishface. If it’s an office poop, I might grip the handicap bar on the wall. Sometimes I find it helpful to shift from cheek to cheek, trying to give the poop-baby as much space as it needs to become free.

Like I said, I can usually get it done… but occasionally I need moral support from the hubs. So I text him from the toilet.

photo

Heh.

And the thing is, after this kind of epic fecal battle, it FEELS like I’ve done something to be proud of. Like I’ll think, “Okay, that one was HUGE. Like a GMO cucumber.” And I’ll glance in the bowl before flushing, prepared to gloat over what surely must be a world-record poop, but no. There is nothing there but a few “angry pellets,” as we refer to them in my house. Just some little gumball-sized nuggets that belie the blood, sweat and tears (sometimes literally!) it took to bring them into this world. What. The. Hell.

But I AM pooping. So there won’t be 9 entire months worth to unleash upon some midwives in a birthing room in 7 weeks. So there’s that.

Aaaaanyways.

I haven’t posted a bump pic since 23 weeks, which was TEN WHOLE WEEKS AGO. So, here are a few to catch you up on the progress of the Big Baby all up in my Big Belly.

25 weeks: Scandalous bare-belly shot.

25 weeks: Scandalous bare-belly shot.

28 weeks: Sassy blazer shot.

28 weeks: Sassy blazer shot.

31 weeks(ish): New Year's Day bundle-bunny shot.

31 weeks(ish): New Year’s Day bundle-bunny shot.

Way huger at 31 weeks, no? I think I am even rounder this week, but I haven’t taken a photo yet.

This week I am spending every spare minute getting ready for a “Pre-Birthday Party” we’re throwing for the kiddo. My sweet, sweet friends and family in LA threw us a beautiful shower over Christmas when we were out there, but I wanted to do something in Austin, too. I didn’t want to have a shower here per se, just a big, ol’ party where everyone we know could come and hang out and drink beers and have fun. Maybe it’s the height of tackiness to throw your own un-shower shower, but eh. Whatevs. I’m so freaking pumped that we’re having a baby, I want to celebrate the shit out of it! Hopefully I will get my ish together to post about it afterward, because I think it’s gonna be pret-ty fun.

Okay, now all you other slackers who haven’t posted lately, you need to post now, too! And the rest of you who are posting, I am lame and haven’t been commenting but am reading your blogs and loving the updates, so keep ’em coming.

 

12 thoughts on “YIPES, where did the time go?

  1. Pootocin and cheek shifting and GMO cucumbers. Girl. You would fit well in my household. Humor-wise, I mean. But I’m having a very similar experience. I’m having the same pooing problems. And I’m reading the same books (and extracting the same messages). While I’m technically a few weeks behind you, I’m measuring exactly ginormous (I’ll finish this blog post soon and you’ll see for yourself) and chances are that I only have about 7 weeks left, too. 8 until I’ll be induced. AND I started a draft of a post last night after majorly slacking on my blog (ahem). Why isn’t your home place closer to my home place?

    • bustedoven says:

      Eeeee, we might have our babies at the same time! Crazytown! I truly do wish our home places were next door to each other because poop jokes! And babies! Not fair that you are far away, m’lady. Can’t wait to read your post.

  2. Sarah says:

    OK, I thought I was the only one who shifted cheeks and took advantage of the handicap bar at work and felt enormously proud of what was sure to be a monster that just emerged from my butt only to be disappointed in the pathetic pile of what we call grapes in our house. I will be trying the cod face at my next toilet appointment.

    I also got told I’m making a big baby, but I don’t have GD. So I guess you’ve got a better excuse than I do!

    • bustedoven says:

      DUDE, I’m glad I’m not the only one! Are these kids just squishing our colons so much that it creates a huge-poop illusion? That’s the only thing I can figure. It’s highly disappointing. At least we can commiserate in our not-big poops and our not-small babies.

  3. I love this post an the comments! My people! Plus-I am apparently only 6 weeks out. How the Did that happen already. And I guess I don’t blog anymore? I should post something I suppose. But for tonight I will just comment. Thanks for making me laugh.

  4. Gypsy Mama says:

    I always enjoy your posts! You have the cutest belly ever! I hope I look as good as you do as I progress. Do you mind if I ask how much weight you’ve gained?

    Also, you and hubby are hilarious with the poop jokes. We are really open about poo talk in our household too, but for some reason I am still freaking out about hubby SEEING me poop during delivery. I tell him almost daily to stay at the top of the bed. It’s one thing to joke about it but it’s another thing to see it!

    I’m off to buy Ina May’s Guide to Delivery and also her guide to breastfeeding!

    • bustedoven says:

      Awww, you’re the sweetest. I was gaining weight really fast in the beginning (I got a talking to about it) but over the past several weeks it has slowed down, thankfully. I think at this point I’ve gained about 25 pounds, which means I will probably gain <35 total — I feel happy about that, but even 40 didn't sound too crazy to me.

      Someone asked me recently if I was worried about my hubs seeing me poop during delivery, and I don't think I am. Plus, I'm told that in that moment when you are pushing you totally don't care/don't notice that you're doing it. I hope that's true!

      • vanna says:

        Its true. I forgot all about the possibilities of poo and dint remember until a few days after birth. 🙂 hope all is still good

  5. elysium10 says:

    I was told at my 37 week sonogram that my baby was 8lbs, 11oz. But when she was born at 39 weeks, she was 8lbs, 3oz. (No GD for me.) So don’t put too much stock in their weight guess. I was seriously freaking out, too! My midwife was much more accurate at guessing the weight based on fundal height (she guessed 8lbs).

    Ah poop … Thank you for the laugh, I totally empathize! It doesn’t stop becoming an issue after birth, either (our girl is 3 weeks old). I guess after pushing out a baby, my body hasn’t wanted to put forth effort to push out anything else. Colace is a good friend of mine these days. :-/

  6. Morgan says:

    I love everything about this post from the bump pics to the poop talk. I’m happy to hear all is going well! 🙂 xox

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