November 12, 2013 by bestdayevar
El-bees… as in LBs… as in poundage, gurrrrl.
Before I was pregnant, I imagined a lot of things about my future pregnancy, one of them being that I would only gain the bare minimum amount of weight, MAYBE LESS. I would lose weight in the first trimester! I would do like 10,000 squats every day and eat only raw vegetables WITH NO RANCH DRESSING and organic chicken breasts and would not under any circumstances blow up to 3 times my pre-pregnancy size!
But that’s… not happening.
I mean, it’s not like I’m binging on syrup or anything.
In general, I’m eating pretty healthy — lots of lean protein and veggies and fruits like you’re supposed to. My go-to snacks are an apple with almond butter, string cheese, or veggies and hummus. I even cut out breakfast cereal recently after one of the midwives said, “If you’re eating cereal, you’re basically eating a cookie for breakfast” because of the sugar. I always look for the hippie cereals with the least amount of sugar already, but supposedly it might as well be Cookie Crisp? Ugh. So I replaced cereal with Greek yogurt and raspberries.
But the grim truth is, sometimes I also eat potato chips. Or garlic bread. Or a cookie. Or, occasionally A FRENCH FRY. In moderation! But in the first trimester I was feeling horrible, so all I could eat was grilled cheese sandwiches, pancakes, mashed potatoes, and fudge bars NOT in moderation. I also could not bring myself to work out whatsoever in the slightest, besides the laps I was doing from couch to the bathroom.
Because of all that, I am (almost!) 24 weeks pregnant and I have already gained 21 pounds. I am only supposed to gain a total of 25 – 35 pounds by the time I squeeze this kid out, and my math isn’t great but I think at this rate I will probably gain eleventy hundred pounds by then. Or, realistically if I gain a pound a week from here on out, probably 40.
At my last prenatal appointment, I got a gentle talking-to from the midwife about how to keep my weight gain in check. (My husband says it was hardly a talking-to, but that’s just because he’s not a woman who lives in second-by-second fear of getting too fat or being judged for his weight. Also, he likes to point out that his mom gained 60 pounds while pregnant and our kid has those genes in there, so I should just surrender and let it happen. In case that’s true, I find comfort in the fact that she lost it all really quickly and is still super slender, even in her 60s.)
I don’t think 40 pounds is COMPLETELY insane (is it?), but I am nothing if not a rule-follower and approval-seeker and A+-earner at heart. On a purely physical level, I’m not really bothered by gaining more weight than I’m supposed to. I still look more or less like myself with the exception of this bump. (At least for now. Although I did have to buy all new, larger underwear because my ass is expanding, but still, I think my ass looks just fine.) I’m working out at least 2-3 times a week, more when I can. I think I’m practicing healthy moderation overall. So, why am I upset? What really bothers me is that I’m not getting an A+ at pregnancy weight gain. HOW WILL I EVER GET A PREGNANCY 4.0 NOW???? Dammit.
I’m trying not to be hung up on this, because I’m freaking hungry all the time. And when I’m hungry, I’m gonna eat. So…
Anyway, that’s what’s top of mind for me right now. Not eating all the things. And for the record, it is now 12 days after Halloween and we still have a giant plastic pumpkin full of candy in our house that I pretty much haven’t touched since then. That should count for something, right?