I thought I was pregnant, but it was just a #2.

4

January 30, 2013 by bestdayevar

Today is 11 months to the day that we’ve been trying to make a baby. If you read my last post, you know how hopeful I was that this cycle was going to finally be the one where I saw a positive pregnancy test.

There were all of those “signs.” And then, up until today, my basal body temperature chart was THE BEST I’d ever had — my temperature climbing higher and higher. I thought for sure it was going to just keep going up. I imagined what my reaction would be when I took a pregnancy test and it turned up positive (I would scream, probably super high-pitched, and either fly around the house or fling myself on my husband or the cats or all of the above).

And last night, as I laid in bed waiting to fall asleep, I noticed a tightness in the general vicinity of my uterus. It was subtle, not painful, just a slight sensation that I probably would never have noticed at any other time of the month. I put my hand on my belly, and I knew it. I knew this is what other girls felt when they said they “just felt pregnant.” I felt pregnant! My chart said so, the ladybugs said so, the pregnancy psychic said so, and now my uterus was telling me so.

But when I woke up this morning, my temperature had plummeted. So much so that I decided it wasn’t going to be worth it to even take a pregnancy test, because I could see where this was going — straight to periodsville.

Then, I saw a picture someone posted on Facebook of two ladybugs in the palm of their hand. And how lucky they must be because of all the ladybugs in their house. And then a bunch of people commented on that post because THEIR house was full of ladybugs, TOO! And OMG Austin is having a ladybug infestation! So, it turns out those whore ladybugs are cheating on me and I can’t trust them at all.

Right after all that, I had to take an early morning constitutional, and you know what I noticed after that? No more “pregnant feeling.” Nope, last night I had been having tender thoughts toward the contents of my lower bowels and not, in fact, the (non-existent) contents of my uterus, as I had originally thought.

Don’t I feel silly.

I’m trying not to, but I also feel sad. At this point, 11 months to the day, I’m starting straight at one full year of trying to make a baby. (Not counting the entire year before that when I wanted to be trying, but my husband wasn’t ready.) So it seems that I’m now moving on to a milestone that I never wanted to reach — a year of trying, and 2 years of waiting.

I’m sure I’ll decide I am in fact pregnant 2 more times before my period actually shows up. Because that’s how this whole thing works. I’d call it a roller coaster, but that implies too much fun. It’s more like an intercontinental flight in hurricane season with a drunk pilot… generally turbulent, patches of calm, some bargaining with god, a few tiny bottles of liquor, and the pervasive hope that we’ll arrive safely on the other side… eventually.

4 thoughts on “I thought I was pregnant, but it was just a #2.

  1. I went through that last cycle, and then found out I hadn’t even ovulated. It’s the worst feeling ever…and my therapist compared it to a miscarriage. Just grieve through it, let yourself mourn the fact that this month didn’t work, but remember atleast that takes you directly into the next cycle to try. Take it easy and deep long breaths.

    • bustedoven says:

      Thanks, bloggerkuwait. My therapist has said the same thing — each cycle that doesn’t work out is like a loss. Thanks for your sweet words and good advice. Let the deep breathing begin!

  2. YeahScience! says:

    Hey! So glad you found me (and that I get another awesome blog to read)… yeah, the poo babies are the worst. And I’m also SO bad at understanding where my uterus and ovaries actually are in my body, compared to my colon and other things… sometimes I’ll have a pain and won’t even be able to tell if it’s lower-back pain or period cramps, it’s all just a blur in there!

    • bustedoven says:

      Totally. My knowledge of internal geography is about the same as my knowledge of middle-U.S. geography… like, there’s some square parts? but also a few jaggedy bits? and a couple of Dakotas. I’d make an awesome doctor/cartographer!

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